“i will tell you”

 

 

 

“I met a girl today.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about her.”

 

– let me tell you about something else first

 

it feels like

needles pricking under my nails

each by each

and you expect me to keep playing

Chopin on the keys

interweave the most beautiful melodies

with my impaled fingertips

to cover up the screeching of the needles

and my silenced suffering

in one sophisticated symphony

 

it feels like

being run over by a bus

with the wheels stuck on my chest

every rib is cracking one by one

one by one

but I have to keep smiling

i can feel life as quantitative

and with each calling of your name

I lose some more

what crashes me harder than the wheels

is you can’t even hear me

 

 

it feels like

i’m holding on the edge of a skyscrapper

its edge made of broken glass

the longer i hold on

the deeper it cuts into

the bleeding may stop if i let go

but you standing there

telling me to hold on

i can only bleed for so long

 

it feels like

a flood in the Sahara

you are offering me the sweetest fountain

when i drink with relief

they go into my lungs

but i cannot stop filling myself with water

the more i drink

the more I suffocate

the more I sink

but I am still tormented by thirst

and all i need to do is take a step back

 

it feels like

the floor is made of burning coal

you unaware ask me to dance tiptoe

and you would play the serenade above

I twirl and twirl

and the hem of my dress turning into cinders

don’t stop you plead

I can’t feel my feet

but I cannot disappoint you

it would be the most monstrous crime

so I dance through the sweat and tears

 

it feels like everything

the exquisite agony

all concentrated

a poisonous crystal sustaining me

but you don’t know

do you

that it only feels like them

there is no way for me to ever show you

without ruining myself

because I would rather bear all misery

nail me onto a cross if you will

than hurting you like you are hurting me

 

“It’s not important.”

“Well I’m sure she’s wonderful.”

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